Dealing with Dad's changes

Today was an interesting day for me and quite enlightening in some ways.
Enlightening to the point of life-changing.

What could have happened?
Well, it started by me turning down the chance to go to Aberdeen with Derreck and Brad.
I would have liked to have gone, but I hadn't had a chance to go to see Dad in the hospital yet and I felt that I should stay close to home in case anyone (my mom and grandmother) needed me.
My brother was at work and so was Cherie, so I thought someone should be around if things were needed.

It worked out because Cal Ripken was there and I would have been forced with a choice of lowering my principles (to improve my collection) or standing tall on them and having people think I'm a jerk (what else is new?)
But today, I realized something-  my father is getting older and therefore I am too.

The toughest guy I've ever met and the man that raised me complained that he was sick.
The man that almost cut his finger off and reported to work anyway was saying that he wasn't well.
Finally,he said he just didn't care about anything, one way or the other.
It finally struck home that my father wasn't the imposing person of days gone by, rather he was just another not very well older person.
I knew my dad had reached a certain age, but I had never thought of him as I saw him today.
Dad had some heart issues a few years back, but he was still working, not retired and I hadn't gotten as close to him as I am today, so seeing him in the hospital for the first time didn't hit home as this time did.

It's sometimes a wakeup call when you realize your parents are mortal and age like everyone else.
If they are aging, that means you are too and that can be more of a realization than muscle pulls and backaches ever bring to the table.
Time wins over all of us, but it's still stunning when it actually hits home.
So now what?
Well, in one way, nothing has changed-I'm still a middle-aged man with a father that is getting even older, but in one way, yesterday changed me dramatically.
I realized my father is human and as silly as it sounds, I might have never truly realized that before.
When you put people on the pedestal for whatever reason (and the reasons do vary) it's jarring to realize that they are people with problems and issues like anyone else.
The passing of Robin Williams should show an example of that.

Dad was grumpy, growling, wishing people would leave him alone and even told me that he wasn't going to be good company because of the pain.
He complained the hospital television sucked (No MLB or MASN, so no games) and we talked a little about the terrific end to the PGA Tournament "It wasn't terrific to me, I don't like McElroy"
Both of us are Phil Mickelson fans, so we chatted a bit about Phil's future and how many more chances at majors he might have before he again said he wasn't going to be good company because he felt sick.
I told him that I'd leave whenever he wished, but for now, I just wanted to be near,if he needed me.
I silently read a book (those that know me know that a book always accompanies me on nearly all occasions) as I sat near a window with the shade pulled down.
I bet in 45 minutes, those initial words were all that we spoke until my mom came in.
It didn't take him long to wake up then or to resume his grumbling as their bickering volleyed back and forth, so I left shortly thereafter, the silence broken.
The drive home was filled with some of the thoughts that I'm typing now, but even more thoughts too.
What happens when this is over? What happens when it's me in the bed and Ryan and Rachel looking at me that way?
Do my children look at me in the manner that I always looked at him?
Do they think I'm human?
The questions really made me wonder and only a few existed that I had answers for.
One cannot really know what someone else thinks for the most part, Can they?

Now what?
Well, I'll continue the process of being a better son and family member.
I've come a long way in the last two years, I think anyway, and I want to continue to grow, but I also want to get to know this fellow that I visited in the hospital even better.
You see, now he's a person just like me and that might open things up more than I could have imagined.
All the autographs in the world couldn't give me the realization that I discovered and yesterday would have been a good time (I still don't care much about Cal Ripken :)  with my friends, but I did just fine without a single drop of ink hitting a baseball card.
Some things are simply more important.